does anyone understands me????

does anyone noe how i feel right now???

does anyone noe how suffer n lost im???

does anyone cares???

ARGH... 

oh dear....

oh my....

i lost every info of u.....

n tat doesn't feel good...

really doesn't feel good...

how r u recently????

everythg okay???

do u back pain???

do u get enuf slip???

how ur uni thg???

how abt d courses???

ur scholarship thg???

which uni u r entering???

where is it located???

i miss those sweet memories we had...

i miss ur hair..

i miss ur voice...it's so safe...

i miss d way u kiss me goodnight n a morning kiss evry morning b4 i go for school...

i miss d way u sing me a lullably n send me off to bed...

i miss d time when u look after me in NS whenever im sick... 

i miss every single part of you...

i miss every single moment we had...

I MISS YOU BADLY....

sorry....

life really sucks since d day we break....argh....

 whoever noe who he is...

whose this person i mention...

whose d one i wanna ask n talks to...

pls...

can you pls....

pls tell me...

so tat i wun be so worried...

how much is there,left for me???

i  owez wonder...

do u miss me???

wil u rmb  me when im gone...

(perhaps these are silly questions...cz u wun ever answer me...)

1341...our number...    

I DUN WANNA STUDY...

CAN I GIV UP????

IMMA REALLY STRESS....

I DUN WANNA STUDY ANYMORE.....

ARGH.....

BUT DEN IM SCARED....

IM SCARED TAT IF I DUN STUDY....

I MIGHT X PASS MY EXAM...

IS D FINAL.....

IS X A JOKE.....

TIS EXAM IS IMPORTANT....

SILLY AMANDA.....

NOOB AMANDA.....

USELESS AMANDA.....

ISH..ISH..ISH...

STUPID KS...

STUPID PJ...

STUPID PC2.....

I HATE YOU.....

I REALLY DUN HAV D MOOD AT ALL....

NOT EVEN A LIT BIT OF THEM....

NOT IN D RIGHT TIME,RIGHT PLACE,RIGHT...

WATEVER.....

ARGH....

I JUST WANNA CRY.......

='(...

HOW I WISH UR HERE....

JUST RIGHT BSIDE ME....

HLPING ME WIF MY STUDIES....

DEAR, I NID YOU....

I REALLY DO NID YOU.....

WUUUUUUUUUU...........='(...

OH LORD......

PLEASE....

GUIDE ME....

LEAD ME....

IM SO STRESSED UP....

KINDA FEEDUP WIF THOS PAPERS....

THERE'S STIL 3 MORE TO GO.....

ARGH.....

IM SO LOST...

SO SAD....

SO MOODY...

IM TIRED WIF ALL THOS TREATMENTS TAT I HAVE TO GO THROUGH....

AND ALL THOS MEDICINES TAT I HAVE....

VISIT d HOSP TWICE A MONTH....

ARGH....

IM GONNA BE CRAZY SOON....

VERY SOON.....

I CUN STAND IT.....

I CUN EXPRESS MYSELF....

I CUN BE D REAL ME ANY MORE...

D TELL D TRUTH.....

I CUN EVEN CONTINUE MY LIFE W/O HIM....

IM SUFFERING....

WEARING A FAKE MASK TO CLASS....

MAKING A FAKE SMILE WHENEVER I SEE PPL PASS BY...

O EVEN SOMETIMES, I DIN EVEN SMILE....

I CUN MAKE IT...

EVIONE IS LIKE....

OOH MY....SHE'S COOL...DUN EVEN GO NEAR HER...

ARGH....

FOCUSING MYSELF TO LAUGH, TO SMILE....

TELLING MYSELF,TRY TO ENJOY EVERYTHG....

BUT D REAL ME????

X ONE SEE IT..

X ONE NOES ABT IT....

MB I CAN GET D BEST ACTRESS AWARD....

HIDING MYSELF...MY TRUE FEELING FRM EVERYONE...

ACTING LIK IMMA OWEZ OKAY...BUT DEN D TRUTH IS...IMMA NOT...

EVERYONE IS GIVING UP ON ME....

THY SAY TAT AMANDA'S DEGIL.....

LET HER BE....

DUN BOTHER....

SORRY....IMMA DEGIL....

I ADMIT IT...

AND I NOE IMMA STUPID...

BUT DEN....HE'S D ONE I LOVE...

HE'S D ONE I GAVE EVRYTHG...

I TRY MY BEST TO BE D BEST WHENEVER IM INFRONT OF HIM....

I DIN PLAY NOR FOOL AROUND...

IM OWEZ SERIOUS....

THER'S X ONE PERFECT IN TIS WORLD..

X EVEN GOD.....SOMEHOW GOD MADE MISTAKES TO....

EVERYONE HAV THEIR OWN PRO AND CON...

AND D MOST IMPORTANT THG IS TAT WHENEVER U MADE TAT MISTAKES,REALIZED IT AND CHANGED IT.....DUN EVER DO IT AGN...

I CHANGED....

AND I JUST USED A LONGER TIME TO DO SO....

BUT DEN X EVEN A SINGLE TINNY LITTLE CHANCE IS GIVEN...

KAY....TATS ENUF....
SHE HAS BIG RED GOLDFISH EYES....N RED RUDOLF NOSE NOW...
AND ONCE AGAIN....SHE GOTTA GO BAC TO D REALITY LIFE...
AND STARTS TO ACT...

tis is wat we call It LIFE....

"look forward in your life,you didnt spoil anything,just don't spoil yourself,love your life and live it"
-someone told me tis....
LOok forward......（can I?????）
I din spoilt anythg......(NO......I DID......我破坏了自己的幸福。。。我自己毁掉了。。。）
LOVE My life....live it??????(can i?????....)

SERIOUSLY....I cun.......I really cun......sorry to say so......all i can is to wait......went to tis 组长培训营。。。den i saw tis......somehow from a teenager.....我不会表达我自己，所以我不知道如何把自己所要的说出来，我总是选择了沉默，保持沉默，不让就总是表达地不清不楚。。。我就是这样，希望你能多了解，多关怀我。。。somehow it is all my 心声。。。I really duno how to 表达myself....
hmmmm.....tats too much i wanna ask.....too much i wanna tell....i wanna ask "HOw are you recently????"......but den i cun....and d only thg is just tat i prefer to keep quiet....tis is how stupid im.....tis is how i spoilt everthg.....i spoilt my own 幸福，我毁了自己的幸福，我破坏了它。。。

seriously,i nid someone to understands and believe in me......I really do nid it badly.....but den.....can i???????x one else believe me.....x one else understnads me......I REALLY DIN MEAN IT........I REALLY DIN MEAN TO DO IT.......do u noe tat....imma hurting u by hurting myself.....
is all by mistake......i din say tat im x wrong.....YA....im wrong.....and i regret and I knew it....and I changed......did u ever seen someone when he or she did wrongly,and she tried to save it,changed it in every single way???????NO right....normally.....tat person wil let it pass by......and see....Tis girl did evrythg.....she changed, she regreted, she save it in every single way she can ever find....cun u guys see it???????she is serious in tis relationship and she din fool in it...but just y????X one ever believe nor understnads her....

and....the another thg......d amount of my friend is getting smaller.....you BLOCK me....he UNFRIEND me.....she delete me from d list......hey.....do u know tat tat hurts...kay...it really does...somehow we are once to be known as friends,kay.......FReakly speaking......Imma really sad.....sorry....

it is exam time now......amanda.....let's put all this aside......study....i noe it is hard,but just try ur best...kay?????And remember....owez...pray to God.......God wil lead and guide you.....cz Jesus owez love you......(countdown to 5 more days....d 1st paper....and i stil have alot of them....I CUN FINISH THEM>>>.....ARGH....)

after exam....it is holiday....everyone is happy....cz thy can meet wif their love one....and i cun....sorry to say so.....and mb after all thos camps.....imma go on an missing in action.....ya......wat will it be?????a vacation????? NO......den?????wat else u wanna do wif "MISSION IN ACTION" den??????.....hmmmmm......x a word.....just tat im risking my life to do this....and i wish b4 tat I can meet u once....but......i noe...it's impossible.....stupid me....ISHHHH.....

it is just an photo.....and i cun really remember went i took it......just kinda simple and mb is d last photo.....kay....just ignore her......EMO TIME.....

Pain…down….stress…sad

"Imma having gastric again....help...really pain ar....argh...." She shouts...."Anyone????" " HElp????" "Please...." but she knows tat no one evr lend a hand.....

She owez do suffer from gastric.....

Everyone is busy wif their own staff.....who's so free to take care of her?????only her hubby will.....but now he too left her.....and she was all alone by herself....She was typically down and tired......she hvt finish her homework......TEnnis notes.....and she gotta hand up tml......she din practice her guitar and she forget all her chords......she just dun hav d energy to move around.....tml tat she stil have class as usual.....can she gets an MC....?????she wants too.....but she gotta attend classes as exam is coming and she cun miss her classes at all.....hmmmmm.....tml night mayb her last guitar lesson for this semester.....cz she and her fren thinks tat thy gotta stop and prepare for exam.....she was kinda stress now.....

her lastest weight was only 48kg.....but she was not happy at all......"wasn't tis ur ideal weight before CNY....45-49kg.....and now u get it......"' "but den.....there's somethg nt right....." "my weight drops suddenly....." all tis keeps gng round and round in her mind......and she knows tat something is not right.....somethgs might had been wrong......but she tell herself tat "you thinked too much....now focus on your studies...."as there;s too much thgs happened recently....and she cun focus on her stdies at alll.....tis is d only way.....forcing herself to study.....if not.......she gotta resit for exam...(touched wood)....after evithg tat happened.....she starts to act again....and again she was like last time once she used to be.....Acting tat she is alright while she is NOT AT ALL....she wanted to cry her heart out.....as loud as she could.....

but she cun.....she gotta start acting......she have to do tis....cz she gotta protect herself from d inner her.....as there;s x one else to protect her.....i mean mentally and physically....and is time for her to wear on d mask.....the SMILEY MASK......and mb 4ever wil she wears tat on......she have tis kinda thinking....tat she wanna go missing in action......where to.....she doesn't really know......wat she knws was she wanna leave evithg behind and go on a vacation all by her own....to some where tat x one noes where she wil be......she wanna find her heart,her soul,mentally,physically or watever tat belongs to her bac and go missing in no where....so tat she will be all alone......she was alone in evrythg.....saving herself from the outside world......She cries silently......LOnely...in her very own corner....

which x one believe nor understands her.....she was like a broken angel with broken heart and broken wings ....and tat angel forgets the feel of flying.....

❤-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------❤

❤amanda❤

❤03052011❤

❤0108am❤

❤asrama❤