tats a lot tat i wanna tell,i wanna say.....and i really hope tat u see tis.....i really really do hope u see tis....all I wan is to solve our problem....i dun wanna break......i really dun wan.....
through out tis few days, i do think abt our problem,think of the reasons ya all tis happened. Sorry tat i hurted you, I knew all tis is just bcoz of me...the main reason came from me.....
To tell the truth, I found out tat I dun really know how to communicate wif u....Communication problem o my way of communication is d wrong way.还记得我每次跟你说我有我的苦衷吗？还记得吗？那时的我，就是找不出到底是什么苦衷，现在我知道了…我真的知道了… Im x used to tell you wat I feel wat I want in a straight forward point,I used to tell them in another way round and i tot you will understand, but den I found out tat I was wrong.....Tis kinda communication cun be used....cz U cun understand and Problems btw urs r to be seen.....having d problem one by one.....from some tiny little matter....den to some stil okay okay one.....den now d BIG PROBLEM.....argh.....There are some examples like dring CNY, while ur sick and i wanna meet you tat time.....I really do wanna meet you, I miss you,I really do....even for awhile,den i wanna giv u a big big kiss on ur forehead so tat u can recover vry soon and den take care of u altot just for ahile,but den i din tell you, I just asked u to rest den merajuk.....haiz....sorry...
another example,during ur preparation for PSPM 2 (tis Im really sorry)ur really stress,but den once again I merajuk and tis time I say wanna Break,but I swear to God,我真的纯真讲吧了，我只是想你会理一理我，我真的没有玩弄我们之间的感情... girls used to be like tis...我对你的爱，你是知道的... 在感情里，一旦我真的爱上了你，我就全心全意地只爱你一个，就只是你，唯一的一个…den francis 的那件事，我知道它已成为一根刺，或许我无法把它给拔起，但lik I say, I communicate in a very wrong way,我以为我以这，刺激一下你，我想看一下，你是否会吃醋，会在乎吗？当我知道你会时，我真的很开心，虽然我知道自己这样做是不对的.
I think I nid to let u noe abt these….I wanna explain everythg to you….
some how I did send through msg and let u noe,but seems lik u change ur no..
我到处去找你的朋友们，甚至也找了丽蔚，我真的不是要到处去传我们之间的问题，我们的事，也不是要给他们麻烦的，我真的没有…我是真的没办法，也不能失去你才会这样做…那天，三月份的假期后，我打了给丽蔚，然后你就打了回来，还说我们是不可能，不要再去找他们了…
我跟丽蔚一点都不认识，可是我还是硬着头皮去求她，依我的性格，我是不会随便去求他人的，可是这次我求他们了，去求他人，我可是拿出了很大的勇气来的，尤其是丽蔚，她会怎么想我呢？？？这是真的！当天的我，是疯慌的….说真的我真的不能没有你，我才会做出下一个决定，那个决定，我告诉你，我不是要威胁你，我真的不是要威胁你，我没有…我真的不能活…真的不能没有你…换作是你，你也是会吧…
我承认我很爱胡思乱想，就像在FB 那里丽蔚的事，还有你去langkawi的照片抱着女生拍照，你说他们都是你的家人，可是我是女生，女生会吃醋，再加上我有爱胡思乱想叻…现在想起来，我觉得我的却把你管得太严了吧，对不起。是自己胡思乱想，是自己总是那么的没有信心...对于我那反复无常，无知，幼稚的行为，我承认这都是我的错，但我之前都没跟你说，我的性格，我的缺点，爱一个人就接受他的一切，完美与不完美…噢，跟你说哦，我都改了哦…还有至于把你当成球那样推来推去（这我说过，也没做过），因为我想丽蔚会比较了解你，然后那时你又在SSU,她也在SSU,我其实只是真的叫她帮我看一看你…但当你看到了msg,你认为那样，而我就是没有跟你讲，所以就这样出现了问题…当你在kedah最艰难时，跟你讲分手，这个我上面已经说过了，是我的错，but I swear to God,我真的纯真讲吧了，我只是想你会理一理我，我真的没有玩弄我们之间的感情...
还记得我说我回去吉打或你家找你吗？I wanna do tis,cz I think we nid to talk,heart to heart,face to face talk…我都说了，为什么一个女孩子自己一个人下去？她有它的原因…我从来都没试过自己一个人搭巴士，我也不知道怎样去你的学校，这其实是很危险的，可是我提起了勇气，原本想从太平自己一个人搭巴士下吉打去找你，我真的很怕，到底会不会迷路，到底会不会给人给拐走，可是我想到这后续就是唯一的办法，这样你才会相信我…相信我不是玩玩的吧！你说如果我去，你就什么都blocked我，最后我没去，因为我知道你担心我，不让我去…然后，也被你给blocked了.
Den 关于我以生命威胁你的，我想你应该很清楚我的性格吧…当我失去了我爱的人，我是会迷失了自我，因为我认为没有你，生命不再是生命…那就让他结束吧…我真的没有威胁你…我真的没有以生命来威胁你…相信我好不好？？？
然后，我的medical report,我真的寄了给你…我把两份报告都寄了给你，我真的寄了…第一份我星期二寄的，另一个我星期五寄的…我真的没说谎，你说你没收到，还说怀疑我…你知道你这样讲我是有多失落的吗？
In fb,u blocked me…..It hurts…..It really do…so do ur fren….Lorna and sook voon….y???if u blocked me,imma stil okay abit…..but ur fren?????y?????
I din change my fb pw cz I love you,I believe in you…but wat did u do wif my acc???you used it to unfren all of them,ur fren (KMK-ians+ Secondary frenz)….den u unfren all Ns fren,my fren and even blocked some of them from ur list…..Can I hav d reason y????I tried to add them bac,but thy ignore me,lik imma alien….Imma just an ordinary human being…..I hav feelings….
After tat last cal tat u made,I din cal anymore….after d last msg I sent,I din send anythg nor find you,cz utr preparing fro ur PSPM 2,sure u wil be very stress and busy,den me too…I wanna make my promise tat I wun kacau u til u finish ur PSPM 2….til u gradute and bac to ur hometown….tats y I pray for you day and night…..for ur exam,life and health….I really did made my words o….but now d main thg is u changed ur tel no….did u??? I am x sure….but pls God…..tell me tat he din changed…..tat day, I heard tat ur heading to penang for ur interview, I sent a msg to wished u…did u get it???? O ur just stil angry wif me, u din changed it….if ur stil angry,den we can sit down and solve it…pls…..i really cun lose you……without u,my life really sucks….how am I gng to ask you out???I was think off gng to ur hse and find you,but I noe u din like it….but in another hand I hav x choice…..wat shld I do????how m I gng to save it????
ooh ya,just wanna let u noe.....bsides den changing all my bad habbits, I did learn to like thgs u like....Examples like coffee.....
Kay…..tats all wat I wanna tell…..but I stil i think tat we need to talk...heart-to-heart,face to face….can we hav a chat…..can u come out…we meet at a place….den solve our problem….pls????
Hmmm….i think im gng over to ur hse tis coming Saturday…and I think I wil be waiting for u outside of ur hse….sorry but I hav x choice….hope tat it wun rain on saturday....if u receive my msg and saw tis blog and u think tat u dun like it,msg me….we change place….den hav a heart-to-heart,face-to-face talk……pls…..
Ryan,I wrote tis for u…..i dunno whether u wil see it…..but I just wanna let u understand and let u noe tat I did changed, I love you and I owez wil….
P/s: I wil owez wait for you and Amand really love Ryan and 4ever wil she….
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❤amanda❤
