对不起，我又来篇emo的料~~~

有时真的真的很讨厌自己，只要在每个sem最peck的season,我一定会病倒的~~
这个星期六有补课，下个星期还得去营，连续两个营会~~


其实我也只是个平凡的女生，我也只是像其他女生一样，
一句饿了，你就会拿着我喜欢吃的东西出现；
一句累了，你那阔达的肩膀就会出现；
一句病了，你就会拿着食物，药物说：“宝贝，下来吧，我在下面了。”
我要求的不多，我也只是想有人关心我，爱惜我，照顾我。
怎么感觉想是我一直在照顾你，一直再啰嗦你，

对不起，我知道你喜欢依赖我，你的一切都丢给我管，可是我不是一直都可以这样的~~
我是个非常需要他人照顾，照料的女生，可是我为了你，还真的是第一次变成这样，第一次变成我扛起男生的角色来照顾女生~~~
我虽然是家中的大姐，可是我重来都不会这样，我的性格，每每都是二姐和弟弟来保护我，来照顾我，我是因为你变成了这样，可是亲爱的，我不是女强人~~

室友去了生活营，剩我自己一人在房~~
我真的真的很想打回家，我想回家，虽然每次都跟他们吵架~~
我真的很想对着妈咪爸比哭，对他们撒撒娇，说我想他们煮的粥，我病倒了，我累了~~
可是，我不能这么做，他们知道了会很担心我~~
时间表被排的满满的，路还是得走下去~~
病了，还是得走下去~~
哭了，还是得擦干眼泪撑下去~~
发泄完了，你是否看见，是否知道也算了吧~~

啊蔓达，撑下去吧~~
他不了解，没关系，坚强点，没人照顾你，自己照顾好自己，
时时祷告，无论你在哪里，无论你在做什么，都要祷告。
我们借着各样的祷告和 祈求，取用神的话，时时在灵里祷告。

你可否就出现在我眼前抱抱我吧。

”朦胧美“

又再次感觉到朦胧美的感觉~~
一天比一天严重，在这种天气下，我可惨了啦，踏出房门就开始咳个不停，甚至上气接不到下气，真的很喘~~
上个星期，气管就开始不舒服了，喉咙，眼睛也都很痒~~
这个星期，今天才第二天，就已经咳到不行了，真的真的很喘~~
只希望，我的气喘不会复发~~

昨天，去了跆拳道的training，但最后却出了点状况~~
对不起，让你们为我担心了~~
尤其是你，吓到你了吧~~~真的很对不起~~~
还害到你今天生病了~~~
我又不懂该怎么做，好像照顾你，可是又不懂要怎样~~
很笨吧，哈哈~~~

主啊，我为我身边的每一位健康祷告~~（尤其是那位已经在生病的先生）
为这几天的天气祷告，让顽皮的雨水儿下来玩耍吧~~
我都将这一些交托于主~~

BP

有点懒惰~~~

迟点再补回~~

假期过完了，又得过回忙碌的生活~~

这几天超容易疲倦的，一下子就爱睡了~
感冒啊感冒，我真的真的不想再见到你，你可以消失吗？？？我要过新年的叻！！！

哈哈~今天是911~

我身边是有两位朋友在今天生日的~

一位是Karen Lim~

这位美女是我小学的同班同学~~她人很可爱、真的很可爱~
美女生日快乐~

另外一位朋友是小光啦~

小光是我在学院里的同班同学~~
生日快乐，要跟学姐幸福哦~~：）


原来我不是超人，不是铁人~~
昨天的一整天（还以为自己很厉害、很神），换来今天的痛苦。谢谢爱玲的陪伴，虽然被她骂了几句，yeobo，paiseh,sorry lar~~
我们等了整整2/3小时，政府的就是政府的，就是这样的囖~haiz~
然后，那医生真的是很神，本小姐还真的第一次看到只是听病人将，给了我两天的MC，然后就给药~~woah~~~然后，我也要谢谢EA，因为讲师就只载我们去clinic（可爱），然后我们又call不到teksi,没人载我们回，所以只好麻烦到你咯，不好意思~~然后你还带我们去吃午餐，谢谢你~~


*最近情绪非常地不稳定，讨厌这样的自己~~ishhhh~~

不要再往我的伤口上撒盐~

还有两天就是情人节了~
我很down,是super duper d down~
你在那怎么啦？有新欢了吗？过得还好吗？
我很讨厌情人节，也很怕情人节~
是否有人可以让我在当天人间蒸发，我不想留在人间~
在FB post 这，



哈哈~我很明显是在自欺欺人~


我放不下你，你听到了吗？
我，谢蔚华放不下你~

我好想好想失意，好想好想忘掉一切又一切~
我真的很想忘掉一切~但我做不到~

最近，一直劝着一个朋友，一直叫她不要再去想这样多了、不要再去追究、不要再把心门关起来，我们朋友一直都在~

她说你也是时常emo阿，我告诉她，人生其实很短，每一天都是要过得，痛苦也是过一天，快乐也是过一天，人是可以做选择的，那选择快乐的过吧~有些人得了癌症，多希望能活久点，但一切是注定的，所以她选择开心的过~我祝福他就像在孔明灯上为他许的愿，学业进步幸福永远；尽可能忘了吧（不代表我有新欢阿，真不明白为什么这么多人会这样认为），把自己的每一天排得满满的，不要有空的时间~

但这一切又一切，这坚持、这忙碌的自己、每当到了夜深，她的相思病就来了~很痛苦啊！！！但本小姐就还是那么的固执，我从不让他人看见，只在BLOG里写出~

新春晚会（迟点再写）后，喉咙开始疼了，静娴叫我赶快拿盐水漱口（一点都不好玩），不然就会生病啦~星期六去了B.I.G 的taklimat（12.30-2.30，两个小时半的废话）后就叫mummy带我回家了，因为真的生病了~T。T~今早也去了治疗（我要快点好起来啦）~

很多很多的功课阿~~~很多很多的ASSIGMENT阿~~~又要去pangkor BIG 了，显阿~4天3夜~




还有，朋友们，我不想再听到任何人在我面前提到关于我的感情事~~
不要再往我的伤口上撒盐，不要再碰我的痛处了~~
我真的很辛苦，求你们啦，谢谢~~

should i join them???? or should i not....

d way tat she treats me,lik imma just a stupid idiot wif no one else~

i treat u as fren,but wat did u did to me...disappointed....

girl....frenz wil soon longer leave u if u continue lik this....

but yet,i forgive u~

I choose to forgive n forget.....n tml wil b a good day....

din hav an good day,had been sleeping right after classes 

and went for a walk around campus in d evening,

so tat i wun b moody (after everythg tat happened this afternoon)....

but after d walk,there's somethg wrog wif me again...ISH....

vomitting again...suffering...T.T....
i wanna a MC for tml,can I???!!!

perhaps no....as there's 4 period of BCN tml.....(crying now)...

Ohh  Lord,bless me as I would lik a good day tml....Amen.

kay,time to slip....night.

39.9'c

Fever~~~

hmmm,i was like in a blur situation~

sending wrong orders,giving wrong bills,fainting perhaps~

tats y i ask for a leave at 10,as i cnt stnad til closing~

den of cz been hospitalized agn~haiz~

useless~

There goes exam~1

today's paper was like omg~OH MY GOSH~~~~~
PC13311 P4 killed me~
ARGH........
15 minutes left for essay part B~ super incredible huh.....
ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.............



I just wish for pass~


n sickness pls stay away~~~ far far away from me~~TQ.....



1 down,3 more to go.....
3 MORE TO GO~

adrian is having a problem wif d transfering thg....T.T.....
he cnt get into sam tet sec school....
anyone noe how????pls hlp....
felt so useless tat i as his sis,cnt hlp at all.....
mama say is not my fault.....but somehow inside i feel tat it's related to me....
future teacher????should hlp.....
just tat i felt somethg right inside there telling me tat it's ur fault...cz u cnt hlp neither...
is tis a symptoms of perfectionist....
cz some say im....n thy hate me for that....


kay.....morning fever....now add on gastric....
wat a great day....suffer from gastric....argh...........
time to hav hot choco(d only hot drink left in my room) n medicine.....
den time to slip liao.....
cnt stand it....T.T

IMMA SICK....=.=.....

dislike.....

argh....
medicine time agn...

exam coming lor......haiz....

can i pass tis time????

just pass may do....

kinda giving up on PNB,and PJ....
n can i give up PC too....
ERH.......y not juz give up d whole exam......

evry kid has their little angel to talk to when thy r stil kids...
i used to hav my angel,as i talk to her...
but den till last few months....
she's gone...
angel angel....i nid u to listen to me....
i nid u to tell me tat not to be fear....
i nid u to be right bside....
do u stil rmb,a question once was asked....
two choice...
1-a life w/o him,but somethg easy,wif x difficulties...
2-choose him,but live wif all sort of difficulties...
n i choose 2....
imma x afraid as i hav him n angel to lead me through....
but now even u leave me....
angel....where's d talk when i was down???
where's d encouragement when i m fear???
where r u????

It was so so so packed...

OKay....it was a hectic n packed week....

MOnday
Ooh my,went for class at 8...den went for band practice in d afternoon....
den 4.45pm off I go for sofbol tournament till 630...den straight away we went to Two PLus One wif lecturer n other committees....reach there by 7,den 8 we gotta rush back for band prac....so is like we din really rest much....d prac was till 1130, head bac to my room,had my bath n puff....ZZZ....slip wif wet hair...=.=...tats monday...

Tuesday
wake up and went for class as usual....den band prac at 200-630..bac to hostel,had my bath n biscuits as dinner....den reherseal for Konsert 1 Irama 1 Dunia at Dewan Sri Tanjung at 8-1130....back...Bath...slip...

Wednesday
Waked up at 9, off to dewan for photo taking session....den Jamuan ringgan wif fried bihun + air sirap...kinda spicy n sweet(for me...XD) rest awhile, den prac starts agn...till 12....luckily Abg Adie let us bac and rest....But den i dun really feel well....my lips hurts,my thumb hurts...my voice starts to be so so so sexy, coughing and a nose which noe how to "run"....haha...wat a day...530, reached dewan n i tot we supposed to hav sound checking....but den when I reach there...everyone's busy wif their own work,x ahli orchestra at all...so I walked bac to pass  the letter to my little owner,n d concert ticket to xiao mei....den whenever I stepped into my room,n try to hav a rest, thy called and ask for soundcheckinh...=.=  so I packed my thgs,blaze,shoes,formal wear and off I go...Back to dewan....den I had y dinner...spicy nasi goreng + telur dadar,orange juice...=.=....wat a meal...Changed myself....dnen hlp up wif d make-ups, adn I wanna thk Zaim for d make-up n d setting up of hair....(He is pro..)

wif spec n w/o spec...

 

da jie n me

d hair tat Zaim set for me....

N finally d concert starts.....

wif songs,dances.....singers singing around....dancers dancing down d stage....

hmmm...den it came to an end.....

camwhore agn....>.<

after tat I went to bed w/o washing my hair,cz imma really sick n dizzy...

Thursday

I wake up wif a red nose, sexy voice,PANDA EYES....

I cnt slip d whole night wif all those coughing n sneezing n fever....

so I went for two classes.....den i really cnt stand it....i do slip in class...

den I ask hlp from kee fei,so she fetch me to d clinic....n i got MC for d day...

came bac at d time of 12,had my bath,den had my medicine....n off i went to bed....

got up at 315....n get prepared for d singing competition....reach dewan sri melati at 4...(imma late....=P)...

n i dun even noe tat AJK nid to wear black T.....so i phone kee fei n ask her to bring one....haha...

den during d comp i was like....Sleepy....I wanna slip,n my head was so heavy....so at d time of 7.....
d singing comp end,went bac n hav some biscuits n a cup of hot coco,as thy warm me up....den took my medicine n slept at d time of 8....haha....(tat night i din even attend for d pangkor camp briefing cz i cnt even get up) haha....

*p/s: senior Kee Fei~hmmmm.....tis sem only we get close to each other....but den we were lik frenz for 10 years....fooling around.....hving her as my shoulder/ear whenever i was down....n she is d 1st one,i mean d 1st senior who find me when she's so frustrated,stress....^^...n den she jz bcam my little angel....haha....
LENGLUI~i dun really noe whether u wil see tis....but den i juz wanna telling u tat....ur d best...try not to tik so much....i noe as a president is x tat easy to be....gambateh....n Thx alot ar weyh.....haha....thx for stand bside 1120.....haha....n hor......u owe me one dinner/lunch/watever izit......CZ IMMA HEAVIER den U.....haha.....=P

Friday

Cik Che Seah's retirement.....gotta miss her.....She's d 1st female lecturer I met,who can ply sofbol so wel n Pro....^^... altot she gets angry easly....haha.....

den went to class.....presentation.....n I Present lik dunno wat.....T.T....

den wait for daddy to fetch me home.....I miss my pooh.....I miss my bed.....I miss MAMA....I wanna hug MAMA n cry n tell her tat Im really tired,Im sicked.....n of cz to pack my thgs for pangkor camp....

den I tell daddy there's IT Fair....so we went to Stadium....den imma so so so Unhappy....as ther's some sad incident happen....

为什么每次想到的就只是二姐....为什么就是不会想到我....我什么都没买...要买都是自己给钱...二节不用出来都有MP3....我到底是不是这个家的？cooler没买到...mouse,pendrive,card reader也没买到....还好huiseet有帮我买到winnie pooh d laptop skin...没那么伤心...为什么二姐要什么就有什么，又不用给钱，我知道我没她那样聪明，没她那样厉害....我拿不到MATRIKULASI，拿不到sains...

我不知道要说些什么....静静最好....不会那么伤...

我什么都

Mua holiday...

~~Mua whole week of holiday~~

hmmm...act i din really spend my holiday lar.....

friday.....>.<

gng home...

packing...

  

     BEFORE

 

 

after....

tis is d outfit I wear on tat day....=P....
n my zombie look..LOL

den daddy fetch me home....^^

den mummy came bac from school n give me tis....n she says tat it wun be fat...=P

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

saturday....

hospital.....

wait here n there...haiz...

dislike....

mummy bought tis for me...>.<

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

sunday....

sunday service....

den at night....

gathering....d 1st gathering after all...

Ex AMC-ians, n ying yan wif her frenz from her IPG...

ooh....xiao mei follow me to....^^

 

 

 

  

 

 

n of cz....some self-loving photos....

 

den we reach home,clean ourself n go to bed...

xiao mei staying overnight wif me.... 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

monday...

hospital agn...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

tuesday....

it's 1st day of raya....

so,SELAMAT HARI RAYA....

i got these from Cikgu....whee....

kuih raya + duit raya....

haha...TQ...CIKGU...

 

 

at 1st wanna go penang d,but den relatives came....

at night,pm...

lanterns.....

hmmm....imma wondering which one should i use for Pesta tanglung????

anyone????any ideas????

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

wednesday....

at 1st,wanna bring them to 富山 for dim sum d,

but den grandma cnt wait as there's alot of ppl waiting....

so we went to stadium indera mulia....

 

mummy,adrian n me sit in one table,while daddy n relatives sit in another one,as d table too small...

 

yummy yummy....>.<

den when home,n i did some DIY....

 

 

altot pooh pooh abit cacat....but i stil love it,cz i made them myself...>.<

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

thursday....

went to granny's house.... 

had my 1st shooting.....

using normal camera,n some photo even looks cacat....

but nvm...i gotta improve myself....

as a future teacher,i teach my little cousin....hehe...

  

  

  

 

AMANDA in d wonderland....

 

my little cousin

  

sleeping beauty...=P

finally,got bac home......Imma stuck in highway for 3 hours....T.T

Tired look....

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Friday....

finally i had done my scan....

there goes my whole day time,wasted....T.T....

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

holiday left wif 2 days.....
I dun wanna go bac...........T.T

n ur gng to USM for ur pharmacy studies ady...wish u all d best...

im kinda worry at 1st,but now i knew tat u hav alotz of frenz gng wif u...

so,imma sure u wil b okay...i wil owez pray for u....dun worry....

gotta start rushing wif ma PJ,KS n MM ady...

='(

I WANT MORE HOLIDAY....