每次都怪自己手多~~去看你的hard disk….最后，往往就是自己受伤~~又是一晚哭着睡的夜晚~~你生病了，我又不懂该这么办，我又不会驾车~~我多担心，你重来不知道~~
但，我一一的看过你的hard disk,原来我还有不知道的女生，你追过的女生~~为什么要欺骗我~~说真的，我开始害怕起来~~你是真的爱我的吗？？？？你是真的喜欢我的吗？？？还是你只是想要一个会照顾你的伴而已~~对不起，我真的真的非常的害怕~~你口口声声说你没喜欢JY，那些照片不是你拍的~~我不知道当时的你是怎么想，可是我看到了SW 学姐的照片，我跟害怕，在看过你给他的video，给他的告白书，心是多么的痛，因为你给我说你没追过她~~哪，JY也何不是一样吗？？？

你说当一个人对你好，你会开始习惯，喜欢她~~那以后我们分隔两地，那里有女生对你好，关心你，你不是也会喜欢上她了吗？？？
我终于提起勇气问你时，你竟然说对，就只有三个~~然后还说khabar angin 的 SW学姐，哈哈~~我真的不懂要哭还是笑好？？？？哈哈哈~~~~

对不起，请允许我回到那时的我，那时的谢蔚华~~我是时候自我保护了~~对不起~~~
其实如果你抱抱我，告诉我没事的，我会好起来的。

请帮我找回那个她？好吗？

那个她，不会隐瞒一切的她~

真实得做回自己的她~

不害怕，不管一切的她，到底去了哪儿？？？！！！

你们可否帮帮我？帮我找回那个她~

现在的她，也是自己非常讨厌的她~

现在的她，一而再的把自己压抑着~

她的情绪，烦恼，害怕，感情~

统统都压在最深处~

每时每刻，都得带着微笑，虚伪的自己，去面对一切~

前一阵子，她已经没事了~

但，为什么，就这么突然，改变了~

她喜欢自自在在的，不需装扮地自己~

想笑就笑，想哭就哭，重来就不需压抑~

为什么会变到这样？？？

为什么明明喜欢了，但还要把他让给他人。

为什么自己很痛苦，但还要装没事。

为什么总是学不会，为自己着想。

为什么她的性格就是这么难抓摸？

到底是否有人了解我？

到底是否有人明白我？

是否有人告诉我，为何我会变成这样？

很想问明白，但又害怕得到的答案不是自己想要的答案~

我真的真的

很讨厌这样没用，矛盾的自己！！！

 
对！！！我是非常的讨厌！！！

Pangkor

I have ntg much to say....
Went for d PJ Programme.....at Pangkor for 4D3N....
It was an SUkan dan Rekreasi.....
Activities for tis programme:
team building,group cheer,kayak,water confidance,jungle trekking,iktiar hidup,permainan pantai, orienteering,malam kebudayaan.....
I din join for some of d activities.....Sleepless night for d three night....fainted during trekking....
Imma useless right???....some of u guys ask me y do i faint....REASONS for it,sorry....secret....
imma just weak n weird day by day....
just wanna share some photos....hope u guys love it....

d picca we took b4 we went for camp.....

OOPS...MY pooh under d sea liao...

Some fish village's photo....

Pangkor Jetty

Dear Ryan,tis photo is specially for you....

 

Random Photos

Tat morning we saw tis babe octopus....

These two photos were being capture after Imma bac from klinik Pangkor....

 

During Malam Kebudayaan

My Group members

D food we had on d last night

NIce scenary.....just love d sky color....

Super duper love tis....

D night view from my tent....

my tentmates....

Skip class today....(naughty me...)

sorry...

tired+no mood+menstrual pain....

so imma here to update my blog...

after tat i gotta ZZZ

it's suppose to be yest...10082011

but den....dunno y....yest's campus line....ISH..sucks...

cnt even online....

so today here m i....

since tat day...i mean when imma in KL,cheras wif my bandmates n d juniors....
helping them...busying around....n big red ant bite me...n tis is d "kiss" frm d ant...T.T

when for tis kajian lapangan at tmn perpaduan...

for d Kajian Sosial assignment...

before d start everthg....

of cz....cam-whore....LOL...

taking photo wif d bus...=p

on bus...wif my group....

everyone seems to be so tired even we hvt start yet...
haha...due to assignments....all of us lack of rest...

me n eileen...b4 reaching there...

MIss Amanda...stil in a good sittuation...

Kay....FInally...we reach there....

n our area was tis...tingkat perpaduan...

some of d picS...

rubbishs..ish...

kedai2...

kay....

mission completed....

n everyone looks exausted...

den we hav a rest at tis children playground...

i love tis d most...cz it represent my mood now...i mean every single day after we break..

me n eileen....after we finish d task n on our way back...tired look huh???!!!

see this????^^

it's mooncake...haha....

mooncake festival is coming....

n tat means i wil be getting even more busy...OOPs....

ooh ya....forget to say tat it's choco flavour...ma favourite...

frm pm d....^^...den bt it dun really taste good....

den....POOH lantern....

ma favourite too....

whee...i really do hope to own one...

(i stil keep d paper lantern tat u gave me...)

kay...den orkestra practice....

learned new song....

ntg much...

just tired...

den at night....

mini reherseal for pesta tanglung...

argh....useless amanda...

u SPOILTED d dance...

it's d 1st day...n due to imma anemia+super duper tired...

and...off i go...bOOM....

(sorry catherine...i told u tat i dun wanna attend tonight's reherseal cz i noe for sure there's somthg gonna happen...)

kay...gotta ZZZ...

2nd day....

n im losing alot of them...

pale enuf to act in twilight movie...LOL

n d pain is killing me softly...

i think tat i wun be joining them for practice...

你真的很没用

Amanda, 你必须把所有的一切藏起来
你别无选择

原来在这里根本没有一个可以谈得来的
原来全部人都是靠利益才交朋友的
每个都是戴着面具的

你啊，你啊
为什么要被BLACKLISTED呢？？？
你看，所有人都BOYCOTT你了
根本就是没人要跟你同一组做ASSIGNMENT了
恭喜你

五年半啊...还有四年....
看你怎样过这四年...
四年啊...还要在一起四年，同一班里...
怎么办？？？

你以前都是找他诉苦
什么都是找他的
可是
现在呢？？？
你谁都没有了


Amanda,你活该
自己拿来的
从一开始，SEM 1时
你就是参不进他人了
可是那时你还有他陪伴你
才不会那样辛苦
现在

活该
真是活该



友情没了
亲情没了
连爱情也没了

AMANDA是大笨蛋

大番薯

哈哈．．．．

大番薯跌倒了．．．

好笑吧．．．

大番薯是从楼梯跌下来的．．．

最近时常跌倒....

我只知道头晕了，然后下一秒就倒下了....

Back....

d result for Uni was finally out....

i prayed tat u got d UNI n d CourSe u wan....

tat's all i can do for now....

i wanna share ur hapiness n sadness wif u...

how i wish for tat....

which UNI u get????

everythg okay???

how abt d course????

I miss you....

my dear frenz....thx for tis two days...

thx alot...

i really do appreciate it....

altot somehow i got sick n d pain at night....

i mean act it was mightnight....

n everyone is asleep...

n i hope tat i din kacau d three of u....ai ling,eileen n mee mee...^^

n one more i wanna say thx tat i got chance agn to drink somethg im waiting for...

i mean im craving for a long time...but den it's kinda waste tat im x drunk...

thx those guys who's hlping me wif d up n down just for photos....

thx for d choco....

thx for caring....

thx for d photos....

thx for makin me laugh...

n sorry when i dun talk/laugh/smile...

cz imma in pain...

but i dun wan to spoilt d mood...

n i go quiet n suffer from d pain...

wil i hav another chance???

wil i???

time's running up....

days go by days....

life go shorter by shorter...

im tired yet scared....

n tat's y i nid u....

cun u see it....

even frenz cun make me feel secure...

only u my dear....

dun u und????

im serious....n i din fool nor cheat in our relationship....

on d way bac....n i saw d sighboard...there's Sungai Siput....

n my heart sank....

my tears drops....

songs of ryan liew is just replaying in my mind...

those memories...

we had been through every difficult circumstance...

n y????

we just gotta hold on togather....

go through it...

Y?????

y does tis stupid me did somethg tats so annoying....

argh....

pls....dear.....

sorry.....pls babe pls come bac to me....

I wish....

i wish....

i wish tat u r right bside me now...

i wish to meet you now...

11/07

对不起...

知道你要考STPM了...

加油...

sorry...

keep pretending tat im okay is d best way to protect myself...

i just gotta keep pretending...

somehow...i just can pretend...

all i can do is just wait...

sorry...

argh...

SICK...

again???

ARGH...

useless...

amanda,sick is all u hav???

tats wat im used to it...

chest pain again..

tis time it was even worse den d 3rd time...

n...

i din tell anyone...

as i dun wan to seek for emphaty from others...

speaking for today's eng lesson...

mood swing b4 it...

after i saw wat Wylie sent to me...

y???

am I tat useless...

am I tat priceless???

really x chance at all????

y???

pls...

pls LORD...

just a chance wil do...

pls...

T.T

mind went blank...

x idea nor points at all...

how m I gng to sit for my exam???

wat if i cun get a band 6 for it???

wat shld i tell DAddy???

english teacher's daughter...

formally a banana cun get band 6...

how shameful...

argh.....

NO....

STOP...

presentations starts...

practice starts...

wish me luck for every single presentation...

LOrd...I pray tat i can do well in every single presentation o performance...

sofball tml...

game???

home run???

i used to miss sofbal...

cun wait to ply games...

but sorry...

im tired n sick...

x mood for tml's game...

can i ponteng???

fish...cl juniors...

wen jing...n all band juniors...

another 3 weeks...

u guys wil be in cheras for competition...

gambateh des...

take care of each other ya...

drink more water n rest more...

fully support from ur beloved ex-senior...

AMC BAND...go...go...go...ush...

angeline...

good luck n all d best...

i noe tat ur scared...

so...

i pray tat u wun get it...

but somehow deeply in my heart...

i hope n wish tat u wil get it...

cz u wil learn alot of thgs from it...

NS...it's a sweet memory for me...

it d best thg i had in my life...

i meet my dear in NS...

once we were out from NS...

distances...

faith...

problems...

quarrels...

I miss you...

I nid you...

I LOVE YOU, RYAN LIEW...

irregular weathers...

drink more water...

rest more...

take care...

pls dun fall asick...

I love you dear...

experience of PS....

finished my public speaking competition....

(er....act it's d qualifying round)

(n i participate it x by willingly...)

n...

imma so lucky tat i get no 1....

n tat means....

imma d 1st contestants...

ooh my....

great luck i have...

den....

i was lik blannk...

i cun think out of any point...

ma theme was ENVIRONMENT...

environment was an easy topic for me....err...act...

but den duce to d stress n pressure n any feeling....watever feeling was it....

my mind went blank...

so shameful....argh...

n i had been using chinese in class,in maktab for almost one year...

how u guys expect me to hav a smooth flow???

haiz...

great...everythi was over...

n results wil be pasted on d english language board by tml...some where near HEP...

n of cz...

for sure tat im out....

sorry K6, i think i wun b making it out...

somethg to share...

d benefit and d disadvantage of being d 1st one...

benefit=u can finish it fast n those who came in late wil mis ur part n u wun be so shameful...

disadvantage=d contestants behind u wil used ur point...

haiz...

nvm...everythg passed...

results out...

n stupid amanda only got 3.12 as her pointer...

wat ashame...

but den she shld b grateful,cz she din study for her exam at all....

n she only get an A- for KB...

n others were lik s***...

argh....

especially BC paper 1 n 2....